Tale of getting lost and waiting to be found...

I wish upon a star...

2007-03-14T01:40:00.000+08:00

I swear I'm the lasiest guy on earth.

I'm late even for this.

Today is 14th March 2007.

Yesterday was... and over.

I would like to keep it quiet... with just this song.

A painfully sweet rhythm.

记得吗？这是一首你喜欢唱的歌。一首我总是爱听你唱的歌。。。

To: Changi General Hospital

2007-02-06T12:25:00.000+08:00

RE: Undue Discomfort suffered by my father

With deepest regrets, I would like to bring to your attention of the inconducive environment of my father’s ward which is adversely affecting his health in his current stay at the hospital.

My father, Mr Yeo *** ***, is currently rehabilitating in Changi General Hospital, Lobby *, Level *, ward **, bed **.

Several nights ago, my father had complained about his neighbor, a patient on bed **, of his nightly activities which had been keeping my father awake at night. His activities observed from my father include; playing computer games on his laptop, broadcasting music and various noises, which I suppose, associated with his game play like banging on the bed.

Thinking that it was a small problem, I approached the patient in question and requested for him to keep the noise level down as it is affecting my father’s sleep. The patient readily agreed. For extra measure, I had also approached one of the nurses attending at ward ** about the problem faced. From my understanding, my father had mentioned the problem to his attending nurse and possibly the doctor as well.

To date, my father is still deprived of his nightly rest which, as his son, I find depressing. My father is suffering from acute stroke and from information provided from his doctor; the main contributing factor is his high blood pressure.

From my humble understanding, when a man goes without sleep, naturally his blood pressure goes up. Under such circumstances, I cannot ignore the continuing disturbance that my father had received since transferred to ward **.

I sincerely hope that action will be taken to address the issue in a prompt and amicable fashion. If required, I will be willing to speak to the mentioned patient in person as well.

Best regards,
Andy Yeo
Contact No: 9*******

My promised posting is...

2007-01-17T00:01:00.000+08:00

... not yet done.

I have been too busy lately. Everything seems to be cramped into the first few weeks of school. The long awaited and supposedly exciting new semester is not as fun so far as it goes.

I'm losing friends like a running tap. People whom I used to hang out the most are consciously absent in my life. It does not feel too good but you can't do shit about it. So I can only wish you guys good luck. Where ever I use to be there for you, I hope you can find another who can do the same, or better.

Just wanna let you know life is alot more boring without me making fun of you. I'm sure you feel it too. I'm sad because new friends have limited patience and I have limited control over my venomous mouth. Its a torture being all polite and nice all day. And I'm mind fucking myself about it.

Sounds like a good excuse? Nay... whatever.

So here it goes, a little trivial to keep you distracted.

The ten things that you probably do not know about me
(Idea conveniently copied from Yvonne)

1. I used to be a complete geek. Now I'm just half a geek.

2. My love life has a pattern. It usually takes me two weeks to fall in love and two months of cigarettes and brooze to fall out of love.

3. I can survive for more than a week staying at home without contacting any friends or going out.

4. I believe that when a person is overly nice, he is actually openly inviting for abuse. Let's face it, nice people don't get the nicest people around them.

5. I played doctor and nurse with my cousin back when we were very young. I cupped her boobs.

6. I like animals and babies. The problem is I don't know which one I like more.

7. I feel tempted to give the finger whenever someone tells me I'm a nice guy.

8. Last year, I watched less than ten movies in theatre.

9. Last year, I had five crashes.

10. Last year, I wanted to try for something long term. This year, I say fuck it.

Hope you guys had a good read. Don't judge me.

Happy New Year 2007!

2007-01-02T01:00:00.000+08:00

Ha! I spent my New Year sick at home, such misfortune. Hope you guys had fun. Those who never jio me go out on New Year Day watch out. You and I will not be so friendly anymore :P

Anyway, to make up for loss time (non-blogging for almost two months), I decided to post a very long entry...

Coming soon... Very soon.

Watch this space.

For the meantime, I digged out a funny clip for your amusement. I think this clip was contributed by BQ, couldn't really remember...

So, now on New Year Day, we all know how to give a good handjob :P

The Singaporean Songbird

2006-11-21T23:17:00.000+08:00

This is fast becoming a blog dedicated to Chinese Pop. All the sad sad ballads, K-BOX all time fav songs and latest hits, you will get it right here on the prefect ten... cent worth blog :P

I know some of you are not chinese literate and its not fun reading this blog anymore. Just bear with me for awhile. Many many reasons not to blog now, but CL has been kaopa-ing. Haha...

I really do not wish to blog about details in my personal life right now. Silence is golden. Sometimes you just need to housekeep your thoughts. Take things off the mind, and maybe, hopefully you can do better thinking about what you really want.

And see it someday. And have it someday.

Hopefully.

And so...

I give you: 蔡淳佳《永远的愚人》

This is one of the best female artisite Sillypore has ever produced. In my humble opinion, better than some of the very popular local singers. Very nice vocals, very earnest singing style, very sweet girl-next-door image. I like~! Haha...

支持本地制作！支持正版！

* But I no money buy... And Christmas is coming hor.... Haha... I'm not asking anyone to buy for me la, just saying it will be nice if someone does buy for me :P *

It is songs like this that make me want to learn Cantonese...

2006-10-31T22:20:00.000+08:00

First heard this song in a KTV pub near my house. Like it damn much. Too bad I don't know how to speak cantonese properly, neither do I have anyone I know to sing this song with. Crap...

From my humble understanding, the song evolves around two persons. Both, in their own way, commited and all-sacrificing towards love. Both believing and holding on firmly to their choices. In a twist of fate, love remains elusive...

Special thanks to BQ for looking up this song for me.

Cheers! Happy Halloween!

A tribute to Jay

2006-10-29T22:03:00.000+08:00

In Jay's new album, there is a personal favorite song that touched me deep within. Maybe some of you may think that many aspects about the song, even the MTV, strike a cord with you, that is exactly the beauty of it. The beauty of uniqueness within that is similar in many way. The beauty of once before is in it, in that song, in that verse, sang out loud.

Although my dear friends (BQ & CL) usurped my intention by posting that particular MTV on their blogs way before I did ~~because I lazy mah~~, I am nonetheless going to assert my decision of long ago ~~and also because I'm irritating~~.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you: 退后

天空灰的像哭过
离开你以后
并没有更自由

酸酸的空气
守住我们的距离
一幕醉心的结局
像呼吸般无法停息

抽屉泛黄的日记
找到了回忆
那笑容是傻气

你我的过去
被深深真的忘记
缺氧过后的爱情
存心的眼泪是多余

我知道你我都没有错
只是忘了怎么退后
信誓旦旦给的承诺
全被时间扑了空
我知道我们都没有错
只是放手比较好过
最美的爱情回忆里带去

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

你有想爱的人吗﹖
那你应该也有想恨的人吧。
有时候爱与恨也只不过是一张薄纸的距离而已。

爱情往往无法分辨对错﹐
是谁不够成熟﹐
又是谁太过天真﹐
是谁不够细心﹐
又是谁付出太多﹐
是谁绑得太紧﹐
又是谁毫不在乎﹐
是谁想得太多﹐
又是谁想走得太快﹐
是谁哭得心碎﹐
又是谁不能体会简单爱的幸福。

爱情的太多太多﹐
只能用一生去发现去体会。
可是爱情的一错再错﹐
又有谁去谅解去包容﹖

感情的一路上﹐
在人来人去的故事里﹐
谁能要谁留下﹐
谁又能无愧於谁﹖

没有现在的你也没有从前的她﹐
我没法了解真心真义是什麽。

天真笔
29日10月2006年

Take a break...

2006-09-23T01:50:00.000+08:00

Andy will not be blogging because the hateful exams are coming. Being a good boy as he always is, Andy decides to study more than he blogs ~~which is not much~~.

So, no entries will be expected til late October. Meanwhile, check out my friends' blog ba. Some are really nice.

"Good Luck to BQ" Day

2006-09-01T03:20:00.000+08:00

Updated as promised.

Introducing some of my best pals in school and the more important me...

Choon Liang and Bo Qiang.

Some may think they are gay. I say no need to think further...

Me, myself and I.

Trying to strike a sexy pose... haha~

Me with Yvonne and Choon Liang

Chilling with nicest people around.

Bo Qiang and Audrey

The ever matching couple... of good friends. No la, seriously friends only.

****************************

It is 0230am in the morning of a Friday. Here I am, tipsy and tired, in front of my computer, but still sleep eludes me. I just had a KTV session with my buddies in school earlier on. A friend will be trying for the singing competition on Sunday. We went to give him our moral support by attending his pre-trial practice.

Of course, it wasn’t a solo performance, but rather a regular KTV session with rounds of typically selected songs played over and over. And yet, in such amicable settings, I made my most painful observation of myself.

My sad self displayed over and over again with the rounds of songs played over and over again. It’s funny that all the popularly sang songs are usually advocates of breakups, pitiful love and sorrowful pleas of forgiveness.

I can only assume majority are feeling what I am feeling… loveless. Ironically, it is an universal truth that even record companies are capitalising on for commercial benefits. In fact, we are literally throwing money at them for songs that makes us grief and mop over our sorrowful asses. All just to shatter that flawed heart all over once more and in renewed fervor. Sad truth: Heartbreaks are lucrative business.

I realized…

Sadness is a vicious cycle,
People feeling sad will sing the songs that best portray their emotions,
That triggers other people to remind themselves of their predicaments.

It is a contradicting emotion,
You wanted company to help yourself get over and perhaps be slightly happier,
But yet when you have the company,
You would much rather be alone,
Thinking about the person you are sad over,
Singing that same songs that you listen to everyday over and over,
Feeling that same pain which could just be a twitching ache now,
And yet, seconds later, be amplified ten folds.

It is a contradicting emotion,
Where you can have the whole day passed by without a single moment thinking about that one person,
But yet in your slumber,
Your dreams take you to the places,
Take you to moments that you once cherished,
And all comes swelling back once again,
Back to square one.

It is a contradicting emotion,
Where all I wanted is to keep that space and distance,
Stop and crease all possible contact,
But yet I will check my hand phone 24 7 for that much dreaded message or call,
That I do not want but yet want to receive.

But the fact remains that it will never happen,
Its all in my head,
Its all a crystal ball dream.

Audrey said something today that shook my core,
She said opposites attract,
Like the way extroverts attract introverts,
The noisy attract the quiet,
The happy attract the sad.

My question is, after the attraction,
What if the happy becomes the sad?
So are they no longer the ideal couple?
Will they just move away and attract their own different happy?
Do I really believe that?

I realized with a sigh of resented laughter.

Orientation 2006

2006-06-29T22:13:00.000+08:00

That day marked a new beginning for many. It was a day of first impressions. A day of pleasant surprises. A day of warm welcome into the RMIT family. And above all, a day where many saw their efforts for many weeks got paid off.

If you should have been there and you are, well, you might have had your first pictorial premiere here in the-sarcastic-guy-holding-the-camera’s blog. But hey, don’t be angry. It was a gay day, so be gay ok?

If you should have been there but missed it, it’s a shame. Although you have missed the bulk of the fun, but hey, it was a gay day and scroll down to see why… (Ok, you do know gay = happy right? If you don’t, maybe its time to proceed to www.gofuckyourselfgay.com)

The turnout was pretty impressive. I could only see a astounding sea of red.

Bring the picture up full screen and maybe you will notice the difference between in the guy-girl ratio. Generally, ~~most~~ least(cos less guys mah...) of us are happy :P

Some of us had fun. The rest just had more fun.

Photoshop the pocky away and this turns into a engagement ritual kiss. Eh why look so serious. Relax and enjoy lar.

While others are having it the serious fun way, others are like it done in the private.
This is quality paparazzi material.

Let the councilors show you how it is done lar. See! So in the mood. Professionalism sia!

Infidelity in the open!!! Still so happy somemore!!!

Those of us who did not get lucky still manage to have a splashing good time.

Someone commented that we should have gotten them white T-shirts instead. Not difficult to see why.

Ironically, the key person who planned to get the freshies to mingle among each other prefers a quiet moment alone.

Sleeping is ok but the snoring is not.

The event turn out to be great. A job well done by the student council.

KK obviously agrees with me.

If you missed the 2006 orientation, don't fret. Come join the RMIT Student Council for more of the same. And here's another reason why you should.

The most chio bu(s) in one single picture ever!

Want another reason?

Join us because we are one huge family and we want you!

Long awaited fulfillment

2006-05-18T12:03:00.000+08:00

It is close to a month after exams and I know I am way late for my entry. So I'm sorry. I don't rightly know who I owe the apology to, but hey let's be generous about that. Apologies are free, abuse it. (sologan for the day)

Since I'm always lethally frank and untactful in person, let have some of that in written evidence shall we? It's fun. Devilishly.

I'll admit I will not be writting on anything interesting simply because nothing interesting has happened. Anything under this paragraph can be seen as visual profanity or just humour, I don't care less. In the event where you may recognise those who are featured here today, while you are gleefully rubbing your palms, instigating the sure-to-get-me-killed tell-tale act of yours, please just do this last favour for your soon-to-be-decreased friend: extend my sincere apologies to the victimized... ~~because its free.~~

Ok, end of this wind bag stuff. Actually I'm just featuring some monkeys I found on the roadside forested area somewhere near Beauty World. Very anticlimax right? Hahaha... ~~my evilness shall not stand being underestimated~~

This young one here is a little jumpy when I try to take some shots. "Hey, I'm harmless. See, no SARS."

Ok, I admit that I am of chinese origin, but let it be known to the tribe that I don't fancy monkey brain as delicacy.

This older one here is a little shy and is only camera-friendly after some fur-styling with, I assume, wax-like saliva.

Hey, old man. Cut that out. No bimbo female monkey will ever fall for that. You are well past expiry.

The venerable one selects option: I strongly disagree. Roar!

Oops, he's old but has long sharp fangs. But armed with a 12x optical zoom camera, I'm safe. *continue agitating him with snaps*

Sometimes we have identity crisis...

And what's that expression about?

Introducing the new Head of previously Editoral/ currently Marketing and Promotion department. Please do not be mistaken about the unquestionable human quality of her. This is just a not-so-traditional welcome into the department. Hell awaits you.

Ok, the deed is done. You are invited to do the same, just let me know so that I may laugh over it abit. Tata.

* Just to be on the safe side, I freely apologise if offense is taken over the entry. Communicate your dissent if any or risk being ignored. Not that I'm expecting our ancestral fathers to be sending emails through their laptop to lobby for closure of this blog... *

Dawn of the exams (dooms day)

2006-03-30T17:10:00.000+08:00

Ok guys... maybe no one really like my blog but let me just apologise for the lack of updates. Nothing interesting going on in my life so what the hell do you want to know anyway?

Give me some time, ya? Exams coming and I'm a good boy. Maybe I will just post some pictures I took lately... after I get the digital copies.

Ok, thats all folks. 3 weeks to the end of exam and counting...

* Happy Birthday Choon Liang!!! Sorry I forgot... *

Let's make it a little earlier this year...

2006-03-10T21:23:00.000+08:00

I wish I will be happy all year round.

My answer to little indian girl's pigeon in the visa ad...

2006-02-24T14:35:00.000+08:00

Let's start this off by being not so mushy.

With no lingering unspoken thoughts.

With no unworthy memories.

With no regrets.

With no tears.

This is a friendship that would make anyone feel fortunate to have.

This is a friendship that one would not forsake.

This is a friendship that made me believe them who say friends are invaluable.

Not because of the burden of the effort that I have gladly poured in.

Not because fate place us beside one another.

Not because of collective misadventures that we may share.

But because we are untainted by screwed-up societal niceties.

But because of the things that we do not leave unspoken.

And because of the things that we do leave unspoken.

But because from you I learn that pure friendship asks of nothing in return.

But because of brotherly love that I cannot find where it should be yet found it in you.

We have come a long way.

To be happy.

To be sad.

Sometimes to rejoice.

Sometimes to reject.

Sometimes apart.

Sometimes so near.

I will not say stay by me.

I will not say come back please.

Because I do not hold back.

Because I do not compare.

Because I do let fly.

Because I do hope.

Because sometimes, I do pray.

So leap, you may.

Without boundries.

Without limit.

Without worries.

Without doubts.

But not without my blessings.

So fly, you may.

So fly, not uncherished.

So fly into the mirk of uncertainty.

So ride on the wind and catch that dream.

Return home as when it is your time to triumph.

Return home welcomed.

So fly, with old friends.

So fly, with new friends.

So fly, with friends who stay and watch, letting you leave.

So fly, with friends who leave, only to return when you return.

So leave, flying, watching, waiting.

*Actually I have written this entry way before you left, but posting it somehow takes courage. Ok, I'm not gay. No, I'm not.*

The Non-Blogger

2006-02-19T15:13:00.000+08:00

Hiya people.

Sorry about the lack of entry, but life's a piss nowadays. Full of stuff to be doing other than blogging. And I'm blogging now ~~because my game server is lagging badly~~ for the sake of blogging ~~for my viewship~~.

Anyway its been Mr Boring these days, you wouldn't be interested to hear about all of them. So I'll keep it short. Just the exciting parts, ya?

This weekend must be the highlight of this month. I have done wierd stuff that even I have never thought I would do since I passed my 16th birthday.

Let's see what I have done....

1. Singing in public
2. Doing the Chicken Little dance in public
3. Waving to strangers in public buses
3. Stalking a cat
4. Stand in middle of the Bugis water fountain for 30 sec
5. Collecting strangers' signature
6. Many other things that even I would not dare mention (it's that disgracing!!)

Maybe some of you will not be too surprise at my sudden antics, after all I have always been treading the line of insanity since forever. However this time round, its more of other people's doing.

And I'm telling ya this. SIM RMIT Student Council is full of nuts!! Extreme nutcase!! The stuff they do, oh man, puts me to shame...

Who would ever think of crushing potato chips with the back of your knee and making someone eat it?!! Guy to guy tongue fighting?!!! Gawd, I'm just a baby standing among their numbers.

But I may have finally found home... hehehe *devilish* (wonder if i can get the photos to show ya, hmm...)

Ok so he left...

2006-02-03T07:32:00.000+08:00

... with hardly a wave goodbye. No teary soap opera scenes, no wishy washy farewells.

I still remember our last day hanging around. Everyone was acting like any other day, and it almost felt like his impending departure was still a distant thing.

But no, he left. I am no gay but one will miss his best friend when he does.

Now, probably I am at my weakest. I lost my venting hole. I lost my preceding rights to lay claim to another person's time(Ok, maybe not so preceding). My life will be more dormant than it already was. My life is at a bottle neck, time flows through but every other thing stay unproductive.

Already I found myself requiring his consult. With the amount of fights in the family lately, one could go crazy without his best buddy around.

Gawd, I need someone. Badly. Any takers?

*Ju, come come. Sign up to be a buddy... Promise you a cute cute pet name?*

What do you do if you can't sleep at night?

2006-01-25T07:07:00.000+08:00

Why... you ~~check porn~~ blog of course. It has been almost two weeks since I last posted. This is long overdue.

Disclaimer: Ok. I'm gonna be attention-whoring here. Those of you whom don't like saucy content ~~or whores~~ please excuse yourself by just alternate-F4ing.

And *drum roll* for the rest of us who went over that hurdle...

"I’m gonna do something stupid and make everyone laugh at me"

Just to start the ball rolling, let me just say this: People never grow up

The games that adult play are sometimes just aren't funny.

Most of the time, we do not realise that we are very capable of cruelty

Boy, I will never understand why they have animal protect act... why, they don't even have human rights in this country...

Why do I say that you ask?

Crap, they don't even give you proper diapers... comfort is never on their mind... no no no.

Retrospectively, I never realised what was coming...

So run when they say: "We are having games tonight..."

So laugh.

Things people alway say to me

2006-01-16T00:09:00.000+08:00

Old friend baboon said:
“Eh you damn off lar…”

Henpecked muscular gamer said
“Don’t be a cock leh…”

The driver said:
“Oh. Ok lor. Later you walk home yourself.”

Thinking ninja said:
“No, I don’t want. No, I really don’t want…… No.”

Farmer’s daughter said:
“You are the worst.”

Drunken fisherman said:
“I tell you... I tell you…”

The animal lover said:
“Idiot!”

School quitter said:
“Aiyah, I forget lar… you never say earlier…”

Some random self-righteous said:
“You very bad leh you!”

Bubbly chatterbox said:
“Eh… I feel like strangling you!”

Gay-look-alike-act-alike said:
“Wah lau… never jio me…”

Mummy Dearest said:
“No one like you like that one, you know!”

Things I always say to myself:
“Aiyah never mind lar.”

“Shit roll downhill.”

“Whatever will be mine will be mine. Whatever will not, no point thinking.”

“They don’t care, why should I bother.”

“Heck, so much for friendship.”

“Crap!”

“Ok, I did it again.”

“Whatever is gonna happen, is gonna happen.”

“Ok. I’m gonna say something stupid and make everyone laugh at me.”

OK I admit...

2006-01-05T00:08:00.000+08:00

... I am culpable.

Yeah. I like her for a long time liao lar...

Hey, I know I am not worthy...

But she is damn cute for me to ignore leh...

What more when she consistently tickles me with her homicidal humour...

She makes me laugh, she makes me happy...

So.. maybe... love?

Help me love her ok?

Arrghhh!!! Darn!! I am diagnosed with xiaxue-fetish!!

Beer humour

2005-12-30T09:37:00.000+08:00

I was reading mrbrown this morning and I came across this site.
Check out my fav. Hilarious.

Those of you who thought that I looked like a girl finally got it figured out.

The Coming of the End

2005-12-28T14:24:00.000+08:00

The End of the year is coming. And like every other year, I like to spend some time in quiet solemn reflection of the year’s passing.

I flip through the pages of time, looking for something worthy of memory. And like watching a black and white movie, I see myself orchestrating in some cinematic moments that still lingers at the back of my head.

Reminiscing these moments sometimes brought a smile to my face. Like a perk to my day, a pat to my back, it swells the goodness that is usually intangible.

Moments when I seem to be operating with the right side of my brain, doing things that way I did that even the now wiser-by-experience me approve of.

It is nice to know that as we grow, our action, our thinking are no longer laced with illogical immaturity or peppered with petty emotions that withheld the better side of us at bay.

Reminiscing other moments however brings other feelings. In a mind’s eye, I remember the times when I have felt that way I felt, I have been touched that way I have been touched. I remember being sad. I remember being angry.

And many times over, I am acutely aware of the situations that I have gotten myself into when I seem to lack better judgment.

In a different light, I see many different faces of myself staring back at me. There has been nice and bad Andy. Joyful and cheerless Andy. Humble and pompous Andy. Gracious and aloof Andy. Loud and quiet Andy. Even-tempered and prude Andy. Expressive and inert Andy. Comforting and satirical Andy.

To many others, year 2005 could have been a year of harvest. Many could have reaped the seeds they sowed, tasted the sweet fruits of their labours or found the treasures that they seek.

I know that I have nought. I am still plowing the fields for my own treasures.

With a sigh, I know I will soon close another chapter of my life with the knowledge that I shortchanged the year with too little done, too much left undone.

What is Christmas to you if you are not christian?

2005-12-23T10:34:00.000+08:00

You reckon?
There are many choices.

On a past Christmas, I celebrated with my cousins.

We had the night all to ourself, all crazed teenagers then.
(adults and dogs not allowed)
Any event without 'parental guidance' was a big hu-ha then.
We were quietly having our mini party in a dark humble room, lit by candles.
We were humming Christmas carols all night.
We did the '10' seconds countdown to Christmas.
And in the neighbouring background, many others as well.
And at the end of it, we screamed "Merry Christmas!!" and gleefully cut our pretty log cake.

That Christmas I learnt about blissfulness of family ties and carefree teenage life.

On a past Christmas, I went a friend's house to join his family's celebration.

It was a simple affair.
Totally heartwarming.
Food was great but secondary.
The people were all we need to embrace the night.
The night could not be complete without the random cute cute wailing toddlers and hyperactive kids to entertain.
I love to watch kiddies running around the estate playing catch. ~~while I try to trip them with a well-placed foot~~
Reminded me of my own long forgotten childhood.

It was then I realised with my dimwitted mind that most of the time, it is the simplest pleasure in life that casts the light.
That Christmas I learnt about simple pleasures.

On a past Christmas, when I grew out of these simple pleasures, I went for something more exciting.

Clubbing on Christmas' eve was all talk among our friends, the hips and geeks alike.
Dressed to the nineties, we drop down to Zouk for the big bang.
Alas, even the hippest among us were only amateurish compared to the Christmas crowd.
Why, the amount of bombshells in the vicinity could put Saddam Huisinsane to shame, with his elusive weapons of mass destruction and all.
In fact, my eyes grew so accustomed to hunks and babes that I could not stand the sight of the ugly dunce I saw in some random mirror in the club. "bleah!"

That Christmas I learnt to simultaneously drink my vodka, shake my bomboms and gorge on eye candies, all while holding my piss. (because the toilet was no-go zone)

I reckon Christmas is about merry making between people, christian or not.
I reckon Christmas is about sharing between people, christian or not.
I reckon Christmas is about people making time for other people, christian or not.
I reckon Christmas is about people, not about christians.

You reckon?

This Christmas I'm looking forward.
Merry Christmas people!!

This is what we call quality education...

2005-12-20T11:31:00.000+08:00

... which can only be found in SIM.

As we all know Sillypore is on her way to emerge as a educational hub in the region.
Therefore it is paramount for Sillypore to raise the standard of education, remake local institutions to be competitive on the global platform.

And what we really need now is educational institutions like SIM, constantly geared at improving quality of its students in all aspects.

Even if it means making effort outside the textbooks...

Friendship, Courtship and Love workshop is here to make the difference...

You know that you have made the right choice to place your future with SIM when you receive this in your inbox.

Move over SDU!!

*
SIM stands for: Sillypore Insatiety for Mashing ~~the doxies~~
*

First impression..

2005-12-16T15:20:00.000+08:00

... is a very funny thing.

It catches you right there where you, when you are least aware.
Like a lurking shadow in a dark alley, it pounces upon you.
Without hope of vindication, you are caught in its web, a prey in its manifestation.
You might feel pretty much helpless, opinions of you they tend to keep.
A amplitude of which, can be as vast as distance between heaven and earth.

Some say it represents a static image of you in my mind.
Something deeply imprint but not of very much of relevance.
Something that is often exaggerated, a veil over what reality really is.
Something so volatile, that you might want to discard but it dangles like a sticky web upon you.

Some say it can be as beautiful as a dream.
Something that someone might cherish, without reason nor rhythm.
Something that can give a very subtle taste, moulding that perfect condensation of you
A lingering memory.

With no wrongs or no rights, I urge you to keep that impression. Of me. Of things. It is the liberty of it that make me feel alive. A total freedom of my mind, my cerebration. A right I relish. A right to love and hate. A capacity to be loved and to be hated.

And one day when we are old and cranky, maybe we will sit around and have a good laugh over it.

"Hey, I remember you had a good ass, asshole!"

*
How about we play a little game?
I am thinking bartering of first impressions.
You give me a sincere description of who you initially think I am, and I give you mine.
One for one.
No fibs.
*

What I think you think

2005-12-15T10:35:00.000+08:00

I think you are having a bad day right now. Are you not?

I can imagine you sitting there in the corner of your room. Doing nothing in particular, thinking of nothing in particular. But yet thinking. I can imagine the look on your face, like you always have, the quiet brooding expression that tells me much. Sitting with legs cross, hands cross and face down, it transcends to me a prose that feels so uniquely you.

How long do you intent to sit there? Are you waiting? Are you hoping? Are you waiting for hope? Are you hoping that waiting gives you an answer?

Or maybe hoping as in waiting is not so distant to you. Is it bitter sweet? Do you find the feeling comforting in familiarity? Irony isn’t it.

Will it help if I give you a call, or drop you a message? Will you feel better? Will it soothe the pain, nudge the spirit or make the passing of the day more bearable?

And if I am to send you a message, it will probably go like this:
“Hi yoz, wanna have dinner?”
Innocent and non-suggestive. Very everyday. Concerned.

But will you come? Or the corner of yours is more appealing? Will you shudder away, discomforted? Do you not want to go out and face the world so huge and limitless that threatens to swallow you up whole, sorrow and all? Is there no place for you? Does the world, in its vastness but yet its denizens, crowd you out?

Know this that fear is but an emotion, a state of mind, which can be overcome by a greater state of mind. Know that while you fight your battle in that corner of yours, you are equipped with nothing more than a splitting mind.

Know that when you shrink your world into that corner of yours, it is just a choice. For the world is much more than that corner that is everything to you. The world is limited by your perception of it. It in itself is limitless, borderless, spanning through ages and time.

I think you are having a bad day. For if you are not, it will be a terribly unfair world for me to ponder this over while you are having the time of your life, no?

Little drummer boy

2005-12-12T09:45:00.000+08:00

Little drummer boy waits at the corner with his little drink, slipping away, observing.

He looks at the people around him.

Some of them are eating.

Some of them are talking.

Some of them are laughing.

Some of them are mingling.

Most of them are acting.

But little drummer boy just sits at that corner that is his, doing what he always do, thinking.

Little drummer boy knows these people, but yet he does not know them.

He does not know what to say to them.

He does not know what they are saying to him.

He does not know the point of this charade, extensively and tad too deliberately done.

But he knows he must smile.

Little drummer boy feels like an idiot, smiling there at his corner, hoping no one notices his disinterest.

Not that anyone cares.

They are all too engaged.

Engaged but, just like little drummer boy, disinterested.

It’s obvious to little drummer boy that some of their eyes speak of dissent, but yet the faces portray otherwise.

Little drummer boy wonders if they enjoy what they do, although he suspects not.

Little drummer boy pitied them, but he knows they are respect worthy.

Little drummer boy does not like what he sees.

Little drummer boy makes a mental note not to be what he sees.

Little drummer boy can only hope.

Fire!! drill...

2005-12-08T12:41:00.000+08:00

Wow~. I just had my first ever fire drill this morning (besides the NS ones lar). It served as an interesting distraction from daily routine rather than a safety-habit-inducing exercise.
It’s quite a laugh, observing the progress of the exercise.

You hear the fire alarm going off but you know it is just a fire drill when:
1. The fire warden who is charged with all-important responsibility of making sure everyone is accounted for and escorted out via the fire exit is still typing away gleeful at her desktop.

2. Your colleagues are more concerned about saving that goddamned long report they having working on all morning rather than saving their ass by walking out in a “fast and orderly manner”.

3. The security guard asks you to show your staff-pass at the exit.

4. Beautiful colleagues trying to be more beautiful by applying generous amount of cosmetic along the way. Not that, while standing under the blazing sun, any makeup will be altered perfectly to resemble a monkey’s red ass cheeks. Come hellhound and fire, I just want to look beautiful.

5. Your colleague went to starbucks for coffee before going to the assembling area. It’s along the way he says.

6. Every single pedestrian walking pass looks our way with such bemusement in their eyes that you will think the spectacle of a thousand-strong mustering is actually the star awards in commencement.

Nevertheless, it has been a great-in-some-way-damn-boring-in-others-one-month at work so far.

Working do has its perks. So far I have enjoyed quite a collection of freebies. Free T-shirt, pizzas, ice cream (both for the mouth and the eyes if you know what I mean…), cakes, lunches, even a free flu vaccine.

Yah you saw that right, a free flu VACCINATION jab worth at SGD$20. In frigging Sillypore. When it’s frigging out of stock in the market. Wooh~~ talk about welfare. ~~Not to mention the hours I spent surfing, blogging, walking, talking, blah….~~

Oh my. Your eyes are glowing green with envy.
Think not? Click and think again.

Three more weeks for work. Have fun guys.

(edited) I just realised that my code for the button does not work on firefox. :(
Try IE.

Repercussion - much to learn

2005-12-06T10:26:00.000+08:00

I am never a political guy. But this is interesting news. Especially for those who are business students, it's best to understand where we really stand on the international platform.

They (Australians) now know what Singaporeans have long endured; that in becoming one of the world’s richest people, Singaporeans don’t enjoy democracy – at least not one Australians would recognise.

Read here.

Here's a different perspective. This blog is pro-gahmen one ok. I love my country and the people governing it. I cannot stress this more. ~~because I don't want to be charged as a seditious blogger.~~

That call

2005-12-04T10:12:00.000+08:00

My heart skipped a beat, a little more than surprised at the name indicated on the phone screen. Numerous questions bombarded my little scrawny brain in that split second, rendering it incapable of basic comprehension.

In a short pause, I regain my composure. Calming myself with a long deep breath, I tried answering the call with a firm voice. A much gentle, softer voice than usual. There was nothing out of ordinary over the conservation. But still, I conversed with much jitter, fumbling over words that were block out by more conspicuous thoughts. She wants nothing more than some company. I should have known.

With much consciousness of what a fool I am making myself to be, I hasten to end the call with minimum jabbering. I hope I did not appear to be insincere, but the level of miscomfort, the maelstrom of misgiving thoughts, is terribly unsettling.

Why is she calling me, after so long?
Why now? After I decided it is not possible.
How can hope be so frail but yet last so long?
She is just a friend isn't she? I am just a friend ain't I?

Some very disconcerting thoughts that are teeming my mind even til now. I realised that despite deciding to shift my focus away, somewhere deep within the recesses of my heart, I have a place for her. A little void that I sometimes pitied my indecisive self over.

My heart is much colder now. Any affection left in me are probably buried deep down somewhere in my baby toes that I rather hide from prying eyes. No amount of biting spirit can I drown out these depressive conceptions. No amount of sobering liquor can I detoxify the slow poison that chills the heart.

A long lost cause, I have no doubts.

The white Christmas Sillypore never had

2005-12-02T09:57:00.000+08:00

Christmas is around the corner. Here's a Bob Rivers production, "White Christmas". Just the way I would have wanted.

(edited)
Due to strong response(?), the bandwidth allocated to me has been maxed out. Better luck next month for those who may want to view the clip. ~~So much for free storage space~~

Special thanks to evilwhiteguy ~~because I unscrupulously copied it from his blogsite~~ for the spirit of sharing. ~~obliviously~~

P.S I love that dog.

It left me pondering...

2005-12-01T16:57:00.001+08:00

... about life. And of the cruel vestiges of ill fate, left to hunt those who cared.

While we preoccupy our time in those things that we do, necessaries and unnecessaries alike, petty arguements that we had, occasional lamenting of cruel fate, it amazed me how blind I have been.

Read these news. Tell me how you feel.
Tomorrow's tribute to Idler
Idler's blog, entries days before her...

Another touching story.
A strong girl to a strong women

Speak up Sillypore people

2005-12-01T10:33:00.000+08:00

Hi, readers who gracefully bestow me with your precious time, over viewing my little escapade to rediscover myself, that despite the erratic pace of the world you have come and join me in this long and arduous journey. Blogging is hardly any fun without being sweetened by your kind presence, that I must assure you, is gratefully appreciated.

Now, mindful that Internet media is inherently interactive in nature, may I request a more active participation on your part to enlighten me with your broader and worldly-wise perspective.

Please be welcomed to comment via the chat box that I ~~copied from a friend’s blog site~~ have installed for your convenience. And if you are attention shy, please feel free to exploit the cloak of anonymity to ~~slam me~~ post your views.

I thank you for your pious effort. ~~if any~~

Routine dulls the mind

2005-11-22T11:25:00.000+08:00

Is this how I am going to spend the remaining of my days?

I woke up early today for work. With great effort, I reached the office in time. And again it was a Herculean task that I managed to prevent myself from appearing too hibernated during customary greetings, while chewing off breakfast I somehow managed to scavenge. I spent the reminding of the morning waiting for lunch and struggling in battle with the sleep demon. After lunch, I waited to knock off (while blogging), completing the day with scant victory against my mind fogging work… or rather the lack of.

Life becomes pretty much a sequential process: sleep, work, lunch, off work, repeat cycle. My inclination to the drinking table becomes self-explanatory. Brain-numbing work and the lack of sleep keep me from looking farther than tomorrow. Prospect of this inevitable work cycle in the near future is balls-shriveling.

There is virtually nothing to keep the spirit going other than financial incentive to beef up my savings for embracing the next ~~drinking bout~~ semester. Obviously, there is more to it (life), but not everyone gets it, certainly not me… yet.

I once seek advice from a man of higher learning, who promptly observed the lack of variety in my schedule. Work, blogging, drinking and gaming would not really make an interesting life. Busy yes, exciting no. But what else is there to do or be done? What will be more important than the bread, the work, and the bread, and the work? Tell me, so well inculcated by SGP education as we are.

Currently, (I consider to be) at a young adult age, with friends who are also busy with their own life, no girl friend ~~= no sex~~, bogged down by the constant need to sedate myself with alcohol, a slave to the dollar, no (active) sports to enrich my life, no nothing. Ok I sound pathetic.

But still, I believe not so. I mean the above are just choices that I make (ok, no choice on the friends and girl friend part lah), not me, not who I am right? What is so difficult to revert them? No problem. Did I forget to mention that I am a lazy person? Very actually but it wouldn’t affect much now, would it?

Now, according to man-of-higher-learning, most appropriate resolution would be to do… something (what?) that I don’t usually do, something out of the norm… maybe. And to stop doing those that I always do, because it becomes a routine. And routines are borrrrrring. Ok with that in mind, let’s analysis.

Will life improve is I make the following changes?
1. Make new friends (or maybe change the existing ones)
2. Go get a girl friend
(inner voice : go get a life pal, stop doing those self-gratifying hand exercises!!)
(another inner voice: Nooo… no I didn’t!!)
3. Do some new stuff, sporty activities are preferred. (Advisable, with regards to my beer belly)
4. Stop playing DotA (……… sad)

No, I mean my friends are great but just a bit tad too expensive to upkeep, gauging by the incremental attribute of everyone’s birthday present and expectations (these few months are the worst!!!). Cost cutting should be done early for maximized cost savings, no? Well, that’s what the finance text says. Too bad we can’t put them all into the incinerator as and when we feel their time are up and further dealing is merely an act of façade interest. At least the fumes will not be poisonous. Just don’t throw in those tobacco-coated lungs, windpipes and intoxicated kidneys.

Girl friend is a touchy topic that I never like to touch on. Best left to the ~~dogs~~ more charming studs of the studs. I am just an average Joe forever perplexed about the way to ~~perdition~~ the delicately orchestrated love.

Sports will be intriguing… when I finally get off my ass and do the sport. Sea sports will be nice. It is seemingly more challenging and revitalizing than those that I participate sporadically. The sun, sand and sea will appeal to ~~simple-minded but nevertheless sexy bimbos~~ the seafaring spirit that is so well imbued during my ~~nerve-wrecking~~ patriotic service days in the navy.

DotA… will be a boring topic to you. It will just continue to serve as a little indulgence at this point of my life. ~~until sex comes my way~~

Well, we can all try to improve quality of life, that’s what we all want isn’t it? To be happy, it is just a simple truth. But somehow it feels like fate will have its ways to maneuver its intent on our maneuvers. And when it does, we may find that resignation does have its merits.

Dollars and Cents

2005-11-19T10:18:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I wake up to the feeling that I do not belong here in this world. I feel so out of place, so incapable of comprehending others. What I say, what I think simply convince others that I am positively daft... well a bit exaggerated but most will definitely find me to be eccentric. I tried, once before, to change my shape and blend to the surroundings, but a part of me stubbornly resisted, jagging in mockery of my consciousness.

Some like to say that I hold myself in high esteem. But the truth is my self-esteem is moving like a pendulum, there have been times that I crease believing in myself, crease believing in the positives.

In these times, I suspect someone had turned off the lights in my little courtyard. I failed to see my path, blinded by angry and distrust, harassed by a vague but persistent voice telling me to walk my own way out of these misdirections that people like to point out to me.

Directions that may be given with good intentions, but yet pointing in every single bearing, concealing the helpful with prejudice in its rendering. But yet it is the direction that I must take. Not a matter of choice nor faith. But by commitments, responsibilities, the cognitive effects of relationship that shrinks my inner self, how I perceive myself and what I eventually want to be.

Not the chosen path, but the path I will strike out on because I know it is the right path. Right because it is justified by greater sense of communal well-being, overriding more primitive desires.

By doing so, I fear my self-worth will soon depreciate into emptiness, and crease being defined by character or belief. Because this path that is chosen is significantly less spiritually fulfilling. This is a path that many took. This is a path over dreams and aspiration. This is the path that we may regret over but cannot revert. This is the path that gives stability but leaves loneliness to me as a companion.

This is the path of the million-dollar baby.

Taste of corporate life

2005-11-18T14:31:00.000+08:00

Now working in a bank certainly accomplishes wonders. A sniff of the corporate culture. A fatter wallet. A nice comfy table and seat for me to do my blogging. Perfect.

But that's not all. In the matter of days, I seem to have become the new boy-toy in the office... no i'm kidding. Being a new guy-next-door(?) in the office seems to attract much attention. I almost felt that I was doted on. Free lunches and ice-cream are coming my way. I love office women, they are so warm and ... hot. And thanks to the severe lack of masculinity, I think I can look forward to many years of fervent career building.

But on the serious note, the gender ratio is severely sliding towards the females (wopee~ once again). And i wonder why. A rough estimate about the 5 females to 2 males maybe? That’s neglecting the aunties and uncles lar... We are talking about the young populace that we are hoping to be still sexually active after years of stressful working life.

Actually this phenomenon should come as no surprise to us. Generally there have been more baby boys than girls born in this country everyday since god-knows-when. And if this keeps up, we guys will have to endure painful accommodation and much hardship by simply having two wives? (wopee~ twice again and unsparingly)

Wait... hold it guys. Before you go into a frenzy and proceed to wank yourself over the keyboard... Please notice the emergence of the lesbians that has been titling the tides. With their more soft-handed, ardent and less conspicuous approach, you can count on them to be a strong contender on the race to propagate (?). We guys should brace ourselves and be better prepared for this chronic aggressor.

My, that is such a long digression. Let me focus. Working in a bank certainly accomplishes wonders. It made me realized that I might be having two wives.

* A little joke and observation. *

What don’t you understand?

2005-10-20T06:46:00.000+08:00

Irony that I am pouring over my books about conflict management. Irony that self control is my new found emphasis that I promise to instill in my life. Irony that my self-discipline, which I thought was strong, is actually as brittle as a stick, as cheap as my words.

Suddenly you make me feel that I am living in my own world, upholding values that you claim are overvalued, keeping principles you discarded, and reasons I gave out the window. And why should I have cared? Am I not that one treating you like a stranger walking through my life? Isn’t that me ignoring every single impact you bring as best as I could? Could it have been a problem with me as I see it in you? Have I cared? Or is it the frequency of the resurfacing problem is getting into my ass?

Maybe the problem is that I evolved my life around simple truths that you ignored. Blatantly. Almost like spitting right in my face. And that I can’t stand. I should have ignored you that way you did, ignoring me, if you crease to demolish my fundamental core that is holding my life together.

You told me you don’t understand. It is me whom you don’t understand? Or the stuff I say? I repeat myself here: Respect me. Be fair to me. Hands up, those who do not understand. Let’s keep count of those corrupted by the vileness of society.

I remember your tight smile. Do you look upon me and stuff I believe as reflection of immaturity? Are morals the stuff that we keep in a box when benefits are compromised? Is this what the society has taught you as it has taught me, though I tried to prevail? The lobbyist’s instinct, the flowery language, the impeccable manners and the smiling façade, isn’t that the corporate attitude I detected?

Are you not made known to this stuff I was talking about? In the many years of education we received? In the kind of traditional upbring we had? Or are you just procrastinating to your advantage?

* And yes, I am well aware that the context the words you said have been perversed slightly. Not to give me the winning edge but it is really the sentiment I derived.

You might be reading this right now and possibly fuming. Well I guess I reserve the right to blog/speak my mind as much as your right to be angry. Fair is fair *

Egoistic Me

2005-10-14T19:27:00.000+08:00

My new hairdo... erm... to all who haven't see it yet. Been sporting it since last friday. Sorry for the delay, it is just that solicited help are so unresponsive nowadays.

Dota killed the blog star

2005-10-02T11:59:00.000+08:00

I didn't mean to stay away... but I fell head over heels for the Crystal Maiden. Watch out fiends of the Scourge.... we will be after your blood after I pad her up.

kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill

My blessings

2005-09-24T01:53:00.000+08:00

I just returned home from my relative's wedding. It was a nice wedding dinner actually. Very tradition type, just the way any family elders would have preferred. The reception was noisy, friendly and heartwarming just as it should be. The proceedings went smoothly too. The couple was very much in love. Everyone could feel it I am sure. Lots of noise. Lots of laughter. Lots of love.

It was a very happy and important moment for the newlyweds. A very beautiful moment. So much so that I found it terribly unsettling that I could not say that I had shared their sentiment. Deep down beyond my smiling face, I felt a twitching ache inside of me. It started out like an ant’s bite, but now while I blog my feelings out, it seems to have morphed into I could no longer control. But yet the incredulous pain seems to be totally in sync with my heart beat, as if it was innate within me.

Please do not misunderstand that I am not on good terms with my just-married cousin or that I am jealous or whatever other negativities that are going through your mind right now. Contrary to that, I am quite happy to see joyous unions happening around me while lately things are quite the opposite.

It is just that I realized, in the near future, it is an episode of my life that I cannot run away from. And that is definitely too near for comfort. I realized that among all my cousins, I am the last handful yet to be married, not considering the one I have still going through preliminary exams of course. And I am definitely at a marriageable age. Arguable at a marriageable age.

And yet, as I look around me, not anyone in sight. Yes sure, I always have a romantic interest here there everywhere, but seriously no one really came that close. Close enough to let know about what it is like to lose myself in her love. And that is really sad. I really wonder what the difference between this love interest I had and that love interest I hadn’t. Couldn’t really tell. Hell… anyone were to ask me now, how many relationships I have been through, I might reply none… nothing close to what they call love.

Deep within, I wish to hold the hand of a beloved, but in reality, it is just ice cold beer. Real cold beer.

To my dearest Perlini Silver….

2005-09-19T12:12:00.000+08:00

This is my apology to you. Deepest regret that I have affected you the way I shouldn’t have. I really could not have anticipated that you would be a viewer of my blog. And I must add that you are the last person I would expect to chance upon this blog (my persona) in its naked glory. But please do not think that you are not welcomed here, by far, you are one of the best person to comment on my entries here, being a blogger yourself and accidentally, romantically attached to someone I am close with.

With reference to my previous entry, I think I could fairly assume that it did not appeal to you in the way I thought it would to the general crowd. My intention was really not to complain/lament/be a sissy about the fact that I was being overwhelmed by the daily chores that I had to do, but in actual fact it was really because I didn’t have anything better to do than to think of pranks to play on my friends.

I rest assure you that friend-who-has-moral-obligations has totally frown upon my perverse sense of humor. Although the fact that I have seek his approval before publishing the entry, I am well aware that it does not negate its ill effects. I recognize that it has been relatively damaging to both of you and I am responsible for it. I am sorry.

I must assure you that hammies are well taken care of and the process of it has been enjoyable to me personally. I would seriously prefer that some of the pictures of them be taken and send them to your side so that you may share our enjoyment. It will be done as soon as possible after some issues are sorted out. I promise.

Lastly, I really hope that you will enjoy your trip while you are there and cease worrying yourself about things here. Your hammies are in safe hands, although seemingly incompetent but still safe. I would in fact throw in some extra service that you might find useful. Mr friend-who-has-moral-obligations will be watched over like a hawk. Any boobies that he might get his hands on will be mine.

Indulge yourself please, before you are back, because we are.

* Names have been changed in view of privacy*

Hammie’s Plight Part 2 - Point of No Return

2005-09-15T21:28:00.000+08:00

Recently, a spiral of events made me realize the importance of time to a student, and not just any student. But *Ahem* a student who wishes to heed to the call to seek higher education, to devote his time to uncover the truth, the quest to sedate the un-sedateable mind. And of course a few hours of commercialized work would not hurt, certainly helps to pay the bills. And perhaps fund the little quest of skit chasing I sometimes find myself crazy enough to contemplate.

So, I finally concluded I would require better time management or to be exact, STOP doing things that are hardly worth my time! Like chatting on the MSN. Like surfing the web. Like doing housework at my mother’s whim. Like trying to cliché with people I cannot cliché with. Like tending to the hamsters. Especially tending to the hamsters! What could be more of a waste of time! Feed them. Play with them. Feed them. Clean the cages. Feed them. Buy stacks of food and bedding. Feed them!

Some of us here should be able to read what am I driving at… after quite a detour. For the benefit of the rest, maybe I will just fill you in a bit more.

I have this friend. Good friend but not so good recently. And he has a girl friend. That’s the problem… the girl friend. And the girl friend has hamsters. Many hamsters. Whole colony of them. And happily one fine day, she wants to fly to America. For what? who knows? Find a white boy then ditch him? Nah… he is a good boy friend. Gullible. Easily to control. Tell him to go left. He goes left. Tell him to go right. He goes right. Tell him to take care of hamsters, he does exactly. She will keep him. It’s like expired lottery receipts, useless but we keep them anyway.

But then again, he is such a ******. Never figured out the difference between caring for a hamster and killing one. And so, I did what a good, helpful, dedicated, loving friend would do. I took over the task. I tend to their needs. I was at their beck and call. I‘m the humble servant.

At first he was all grateful and nice and everything. H said he would pay the expenditure that incurred, buy me a meal la… express his gratitude. But well, people, let me tell you about a certain breed of people whom exists in this world. Ingrates. Never trust them.

But let me tell you this… friend, I do not have any moral obligation to their health or what so ever. You do. I am not going to be held responsible for any malnutrition, mishandling, sudden bout of illness, injury, possible death or suicidal inclination that your hamsters might experience. You are.

So, friend who has moral obligations, please, consider. Make my effort worthwhile. Consider some meal at some posh restaurant. Consider some alcoholic beverages at some posh bars. Consider some monetary benefits of some significant amount. (I only accept donations in numeration of 50) Else, I might exercise my non-obligatory rights. You are warned.

* And oh yes, you might want to know about this peculiar friend of mine. She once told me of her obsession for some exotic food. One of the dishes that she must have before she kick the bucket so happen to be hamster meat.

Oooh… how convenient. Didn’t ask her would she like it fried, barbequed, stewed or whatever though. Will remember to ask about that next time I see her. Or perhaps you could make me feel a little less willing to. Oh well.

Just for laughs. *

Something to ponder

2005-09-06T20:23:00.000+08:00

Dr Leo Buscaglia writes, "We have gone a full circle. We have gone into leaving the family, leaving the moral values, leaving all things that are good, the things we call platitudes. We have tried everything - sexual promiscuity, multi-marriages. But we find that all those things have just left us feeling alone and empty. So now we are beginning to look again at those old-fashioned values and to recognise that perhaps there is some truth in them."

* Some quotes that might mean nothing to you and me, but yet illustrate the evolution of human relation. Question: Why the need to conform to these values? To keep our nature in check? Are we born good or are we born bad? *

My adolescence years

2005-09-02T20:31:00.000+08:00

I remember that many years back when I was still a confused adolescence, my greatest desire was to be independent. For me, independence takes on a very different meaning from the ones stated in the dictionaries.

Back then, being independent would mean that I could make my own decisions without interference from other’s “prejudiced” perception (I used to think that of other people). Though I am living in total reliance on my parents, I deeply wanted to lead my own way of life, wanted to have a mind of my own and to be able to act on it. Why? Let’s just say that I was living under strict governance then.

But of course, at my tender age, when hands are stretched so that the mouth is fed, independence was a very far away thing.

I tried, however, in my own way to practice, so that I would be ready for independence as soon as possible, if practicing independent thinking is even possible.

I sort of created my own world, my own domain, a thinking space devoid of all mental interference. What others do, what others think, what happens to them did not really bothered me. Even my best of friends, I keep them at bay, out of my realm. I was like a standalone workstation, disconnected from the internet network, in order to protect from the “virus infection”.

I was basically living a solitary life in the psychological aspects. What I thought and perceived was all that matters. My principles and ideals are my Gods; they ruled me and the choices I made, the path I took. It did not matter whether I was happy or not, people around me were happy or not, as long as I followed my way of life, followed my Gods, I deluded myself that I was immersed in happiness.

So full of myself.

Now at 23, I look back, I realized how impossible my foolish ambitions have been. There was no way I could have escaped my ties, the blood that pulsed in my veins, the friends that I so consistently needed to talk to, the smile that I felt inside when I see them all happy, the tears I swallowed when times are bad for everyone. The more I isolate, strived to struggle my fate, the more entrapped I became in it, the meshed up sticky web of family ties, bonding and feelings.

Now, totally twined up, I slowly learnt to appreciate every connection there is, I learnt to take up responsibilities for the pain of others, the suffering we would share, the cups of celebratory happiness we would mellow.

Now, I wanted to be part of this network as much as possible, be it trivial matters or heartbreaking issues, I choose not to escape, choose to stand firm… not barging.

* I am not sure how I can help, but to the little girl that inspired this entry, my advice: The world is full of unpleasant realities, and if we let our thoughts dwell there, let ourselves be drowned in it, then we may lose sight of the rainbow that does appear after the rain. Let us do our best, taking up our responsibilities, tackling our problems, but also remember to look where the sun will shine. *

Hidden within a Promise

2005-08-30T21:53:00.000+08:00

Many times in our life, we make promises, promises that we try so hard to hold true as if it is the essence of our faith. And as if signed off in blood, those of us whom believed in principles, believed in solemnity of a given word, will go way out to make and not break a promise.

Some of which are unspoken commitments; to our parents to care for them in their old age, to our friends to give them our support in times of need. These, needless to say, inbuilt from young, are explicit qualities of one’s character that are to be judged upon harshly when failed to fulfill.

While many look upon promises as sacred, many others with less than honorable intentions view its duty-bounding effect, exploitable characteristics, as means to their ends. Well, I would not want to discuss in details how it is done, lest I offend anyone. Just think suppressed low-key seductive voice.

Example: One of my ex girl-friend once ask me if I would love her… well, until when kingdom comes. And my reaction to that, pretty standard, a dumb founded look. And after 5 minutes, still a dumb founded look. No prizes for guessing why she is an ex.

Unable to make a connection there, love became a brittle and painful experience. Smart as she is, she is unable to see the futility of such expressions. How difficult would it be to say yes? Say yes and make her happy? But I question the lifespan of such facade happiness.

IF I say yes, I am essentially making a promise to love her till she dies or I die. How possible is that? At our tender age, we make lifelong commitments to take care of each other? Ridiculous. Hilariously ridiculous. Well, if I am not serious about relationship I would say yes. If I see her as just a challenge I would say yes. If I am looking for a quickie I would say yes. If I didn’t really loved I would say yes.

By saying no, it represented respect. Respect for love and for my partner. It represented serious thinking in the relationship. I was searching for something deeper. Not false pretense. Not lovey-dovey conversations. Not quickies.

In such situation, withholding promises effective translates into burden, false sense of rationality, and in time pain. Yet the most stubborn among us, may choose to keep them even it is plainly stated “To no avail”. Silly. Silly but brave, with a hint of strong character.

This may not be the best example to illustrate, but certainly give an overview of how close to life it is. And it does happens in all kind of relationships that we may have.

Next time, when the situation comes upon us to make such an ironic commitment, we best think, and we best judge. For being placed in those conflicting situation, with conflicting personality and principles, make hell of a messed up life.

Degree Celsius

2005-08-25T21:12:00.000+08:00

The coals are glowing brightly in the dark, illuminating little warmth. The aroma of sizzling BBQ meat, carried along by the chilly night wind, will certainly awaken the sleepiest stomach. In the mist of the jabbering and soft laughter, soulful R&B music paced my steps.

Slipping my ice cold beer, I feel a little lukewarm. Very lukewarm indeed.

Unwanted feeling for the day

2005-08-22T19:31:00.000+08:00

Rejection. It is an expression actually, verbal or non-verbal. An action or intention to say no, to shut off and shut out. Why would you consider that a feeling? Well, faced with a lifetime of them, in itself, is not a feeling but invokes a string of emotions, which could possibly reduce your life into puny snuffed out wreck.

And no, we are not talking the mean “no…” (Monotonous and devoid of all feeling), that I used to, sincerely and almost smilingly, tell those pesky volunteers sweating their heart out asking for donations in the street.

And no, not even oh god-forbidden “NO” you would say to an uninteresting romantic, who quite possibly have been attracted to the sight of you plowing your nostrils.

Well, WHAT am I talking about? Those who have been there know it, those who are there are currently drowning in it, those who are not yet there... well you just have to use your imagination.

Hammie's plight

2005-08-18T00:13:00.000+08:00

A sorrowful squeak broke my concentration. I perked my ears, trying to listening hard. And there it is again... its hammie letting out his moanful cry.

With a sigh, I went over to his cage. I fully understand his pain. Been rather busy these few days, hardly had time for cleaning cages and replenishing food for them, what more to say for extra playtime.

Hammie lied on his belly, his head stumped dejectedly on the craving, casting a forlorn look at me. Even after I opened his cage and stroke his little crown, he remained oblivious. With the tip of my finger, I coax him to play, rubbing his underside and paws, barely managed to get him to nibble my finger.

That was all he was willing to give, resenting in his moanful plight, not the least interested to my proposition offered. With another sigh, I vowed to think of something to cheer up my little friend.

Gothem Penthouse

2005-08-17T01:54:00.000+08:00

Yeah... just came home from sim bash at clark quay... Alittle drunk and alittle pissed... Had a nasty comment made at me this very night, that I'm a flirt... What did I do to deserve this... The only ass I groped for the night is my own... Message to all out there who think this way: F**k you sh*t and thank you for judging me before knowing me...

Dawn of time

2005-08-07T01:25:00.000+08:00

Ever see the rising of the sun across the horizon? It is like a spectrum of colours, painting the sky with skillful strokes of an artisit. It is like a hurricane of colourful emotions, twisted and dispersed throughout. The sparkling water, a divider between heaven and earth, adds to the captivating sight, reflecting a million times, giving the life of light an unlimited reach.

Yet the true beauty of dawn is not what can you see, but the knowledge that the very sunrise that you are witnessing is the same one as since the dawn of time, everyday down the millennium. Mother Nature hasn't been selfish. She presented us one of nature's greatest image, most enchanting view and most of all, infinity of chances to bare witness.

Yet is the chance given, unconditional to every single creature. Like a mother giving to her child, a lifetime of giving, with no reward nor expectation. Selfless love in its full glory.

My friend when you are down, burdened, troubled, please remember to give yourself a chance, just as the dawn, to remember the beauty and good things that existed in the world. And also to give me a chance, to be a better friend to you.

* After reading this log a few days later, I decided that this is totally mushy and revolting. Please do not mistaken the real me for this doing... I wasn't thinking good back then. *

My new friend

2005-08-04T08:24:00.000+08:00

I'm searching for a friend. A friend that stays around. Someone easy to get along. Someone staying nearby, and maybe we can walk home together, have dinner down the street.

My new friend is someone who doesn't judge. Rather seek to know me before judging me. Rather give me time to open up. Rather know me from deep within.

Soon, someone will know of this mask I'm so fond of putting on. Smiles and laughter are my makeup. Dry humour is my weapon, shying me away from prying inquisitive eyes. Beneath it all, another me that never shows. Not happy nor sad. Not angry nor tamed. Just a calm soul lying beneath.

Maybe I am over protective. Maybe it's all unnecessary. Maybe I think too much. Maybe I should smile alittle more, tell alittle more. Maybe someone knows and waits. Maybe someone will walk at a slower pace, waiting for me to catch up.

Maybe my friend is not a new friend after all. Just standing by the side. Hands spread out. Maybe I look but I didn't see. A friend that was there all along.

* Prerequisites of new friends:
1. Alcoholic, like to get drunk today and every other day. Rich as hell and like to pay for my drinks.
2. Smoker, the on off type, always mumbling about quiting but never does. Makes me feel less guilty when puffing away. (I'm sorry for smoking mum. I know you will never see this, that's why I confessing. Still, please forgive me as always. Love you.)
3. Don't really care that I am a boring guy...hmm ok boring and lame...erm... ok ok I know, boring and lame and shameless... yes yes stop staring in disdain... there's more I know... but if this keeps up, I'm not getting any friends. Have a heart.
4. Pesky irritating type, will irritate me once in a while, forcing me to bite back. Well, it keeps my sarcastic nature in practice you know. I just so love to do that.

Note: Above stated are all nice-to-have-ok-if-you-don't, just keep in mind that if, and I'm saying if, you want to know me better, please read Prerequisite number 1, should see me get drunk. Sometimes aggressive, mostly dramatically hysterical.*

First of the many days...

2005-08-01T23:23:00.000+08:00

Today is a very important milestone of my life. I stepped into the first day of uni life. Pretty excited... mildly actually. After all I'm not at that age where I could have free run with my emotions.

Also, I really must comment that students there are really sociable. Who would have guessed that my fellow orientation members all met early for breakfast before lessons. Amazing even by my standards, most would be too lazy for something like that, what more when it was nothing short of full attendence. Almost like mustering during national service days. "Wu ya boh~", i would have exclaimed those days...

The initial chattering were mostly boring stuff, "Hi dude", "How's work?", "Prettier huh?" blah blah blah.... Still as a noisy cluster, we proceeded to the lecture theater. Rest are standard, old man old woman introduced themselves, some welcome speech right off some scripts, even played a clip on why SIM is the BEST choice for you!! marketing department at work... yawnz

Right after that, STILL more marketing speech... (yawnz*2). Well this one, however, is a heavyweight champion. Australian lecturer man~. Abit powerful.... salesman, lecturer, soundblaster all roll into one... And the aussie ascent sounded uncannily like austin powers, half expected him to say "Grooovvy~~ baby!!".

After all that sales talk, highlight of the day comes... LUNCH!! Buffet woh!! As the lecturer had put it plainly, "You have paid good money for this course". We can all see that. Or rather taste it. Bon Appetite.

Lesson followed swiftly. Nothing interesting though. I must say it's rather nice to be back to school.... feeling young once more.

Some Quote from "Dance with me"

2005-07-31T03:33:00.000+08:00

On this night, slightly high on alcohol and cig smoke, i decided to pen this down. Some thoughts going through the mind... as to why the sudden emotion... i just cannot put a finger to it...

I remember a meaningful quote from the movie "Dance with me". The scenario is two person sitting in a pub chatting. One is a hired detective, male, divorced. Another is the client, married, attractive female.

Guy ask,"I figured that you would be someone romantic. I keen to know why you married the man you are with now. Out of passion? Out of need? Or just there's no one better?"

Lady looks deeply into his eyes, pondering. "I married the man because of need. However, not the need to follow social norms. Not for fulfilling the maternal needs of having kids. And definitely not for sex."

"At some point of our lifes, we just know that though we lived today, and numerous of tomorrows, it will all come to an end. We just fade away in pages of history, unremembered and forgotten. A spark diminished."

"But my partner is my witness. Acknowlegement to my life. Oversees my everything. When we sworn our vows. It's a promise to each other that we will remember each other. In the world where trillions existed, there's one that witness my life, he's my legacy, our children is our legacy. Memories that stays beyond life."

"That is worth living for, dying for. I live for that."

*This is not the exact quote from the movie. Just some meaning to it that I remembered. For deeper understanding... stay tuned to channel 5~ for "Dance with me"... Warning: the wait might be long and frustrating, emotional stress may be inevitable, consult your doctor when side effects are detected.

List of possible symptoms:
1. Dancing into wee hours of the night. Even tried to entice the police, who have been called in by irritable neighbours, to dance. Dance with me you would say.
2. You would be glued to the tvs, many tvs on at the same time, each featuring a different channel. The paranoid in you, browsing all channels to make sure you wouldn't miss the show... er... when the media corps finally decided to take pity on you and broadcast the film.... Could have check the papers but didn't.
3. Waking in the middle of the night, proclaiming to no one in particular that you have a crush on Richard Geres. Positively think that he is hotter than Julia Roberts in "Pretty Woman". Still positive when asked the second time. Note: This symptom is not restricted by gender differences.

Rest of the symptoms are too numerous for research, basically anything adnormal are symptoms. I urge immediate medical attention.

To avoid undue emotional stress as describled above, vcd/dvd rental will be efficient, less of a hassle and thus recommended.*

Interview with Venus

2005-07-30T19:40:00.000+08:00

I just finished lunch with two colleagues of mine, sitting at the couch chilling out. Somehow we got on to the topic of the birds and the bees.

A short introduction on my two friends, lady Y is a self-professed lesbian currently attached with, I must put as, a hot chick. Lady A is straight, unattached, a very independent woman (notice how being independent puts distance from the opposite sex?).

Lady Y happens to be reading CLEO, and chanced on this article on Singaporean women being clingy…

Lady Y: “Hey guys, this is interesting. Are Singaporean women being to clingy to their spouses?” she said out loud, pointing at the article.

“Pass me that.” I took a quick glance at the article. It’s a lot of details, and to summarise, basically about guys lamenting on how their girlfriends controlling them, demanding everything… time, space and soul blah blah blah… this ex was like this that etc… you get the point.

“Not true lor. Guys are the same what. In fact I think guys are more possessive lor! It’s almost impossible for girls to hangout without having to put up with their annoyance.” Lady A retorted.

Wooh… suddenly I feel the pressure on me. Being the only guy in the vicinity, it seems that the burden of clarifying to these poor misguided souls the MEANING of “clinginess” lies on my shoulder. Ladies, you have sorely misunderstand the male population here man… Now listen…

“Hey” I said with little smug on the face “Being clingy is not being possessive lor. There is a world of difference.”

“Women are clingy, in the sense they need assurance and pampering all the time. They want men to say nice thing about them, talk to them and do stuff for them etc.”

“Guys are not like that~! Guys want their girls to stay by their side, and that is being possessive. They want to know where you are, who you are with because it’s a man’s protective instincts kicking in. But not expecting girls to fuss about them... because they want the room to do their own things…or do some thinking. In fact fussing the guys will only get them hot and bothered, that’s not gonna help. There is a difference in the two though I can’t say which is better”

“Well… true…” lady Y hesitates “But I still think girls are better! Easier to get along than guys.”

“Yeah lar, but end of the day the girls need the guys lar.” Lady A covers her face with the mag. “I still like guys… Shawn Yue’s the best!!!……blah blah blah”

And the rest of it was blocked out of the mind. Rubbish is meant to be cleared out of the mind, not to be input. Still feeling happy about scoring some points for giving some insight to the female populaces about the “virtue” of men, I shifted in ease back to sleep.

There we call to an end of another episode of Mars VS Venus, the never ending story. Period.

Waiting

2005-07-28T23:26:00.000+08:00

Rain is pouring down hard. I sat under the bus shelter, waiting... Suddenly thinking of all this time I spent... simply waiting… for some occurrence, some changes in my life, for someone to walk into it… or maybe for some becoming. Which is which, however I not sure. Life is confusing and I’m confused about life.

Maybe it’s the lack of motivation in life. Maybe the boredom in life (not tired of living though). Maybe it’s nothing. Just a bad day I told myself. Move on…

In a mind's eye...

2005-07-26T08:35:00.000+08:00

There is a girl standing with me... Her long hair falling casually across her face and shoulders... The cool sea breeze brought her sweet fragrance to the air... As she closed her distance, ripples broke the clear surface, sending trembles to my heart...

Her chestnut brown eyes stared with intensity into me, but I could read nothing in them... I could hear, feel her breath... It fills my blood with adrenaline. I yearn to touch those lips with mine, yet I recoiled at their approach. Stark pain streaked across her pale face... but the pain is mine.

My heart threatens to break apart, held on only by hingles of vain hope... Love grows, as my source of nourishment... for I know though we will never be, she will always be there for me. Love shatters, filling my deeps of despair... for we could never love or be loved.

My Love, you will eternally be... a ghost living in my mind. Withering in the breeze, braving ravaging storm, undying in non-existence, emptyness in reality. Only in dreams shall we meet, in the form of pain and suffering...

Day of an inspired morning

2005-07-11T14:58:00.000+08:00

I can't believe this... I opened an blog account and left it empty... hanging there... not knowing what to write ages ago(some time in jan)...

Now typing on a boring morning(technically afternoon, but I just had breakfast so...), my first log...

All this because of some silly sars joke I read last night.... so much for compassion...

Still, as the same.... not knowing what to write... sux! So what about just a big HELLO!!