That call
My heart skipped a beat, a little more than surprised at the name indicated on the phone screen. Numerous questions bombarded my little scrawny brain in that split second, rendering it incapable of basic comprehension.
In a short pause, I regain my composure. Calming myself with a long deep breath, I tried answering the call with a firm voice. A much gentle, softer voice than usual. There was nothing out of ordinary over the conservation. But still, I conversed with much jitter, fumbling over words that were block out by more conspicuous thoughts. She wants nothing more than some company. I should have known.
With much consciousness of what a fool I am making myself to be, I hasten to end the call with minimum jabbering. I hope I did not appear to be insincere, but the level of miscomfort, the maelstrom of misgiving thoughts, is terribly unsettling.
Why is she calling me, after so long?
Why now? After I decided it is not possible.
How can hope be so frail but yet last so long?
She is just a friend isn't she? I am just a friend ain't I?
Some very disconcerting thoughts that are teeming my mind even til now. I realised that despite deciding to shift my focus away, somewhere deep within the recesses of my heart, I have a place for her. A little void that I sometimes pitied my indecisive self over.
My heart is much colder now. Any affection left in me are probably buried deep down somewhere in my baby toes that I rather hide from prying eyes. No amount of biting spirit can I drown out these depressive conceptions. No amount of sobering liquor can I detoxify the slow poison that chills the heart.
A long lost cause, I have no doubts.
In a short pause, I regain my composure. Calming myself with a long deep breath, I tried answering the call with a firm voice. A much gentle, softer voice than usual. There was nothing out of ordinary over the conservation. But still, I conversed with much jitter, fumbling over words that were block out by more conspicuous thoughts. She wants nothing more than some company. I should have known.
With much consciousness of what a fool I am making myself to be, I hasten to end the call with minimum jabbering. I hope I did not appear to be insincere, but the level of miscomfort, the maelstrom of misgiving thoughts, is terribly unsettling.
Why is she calling me, after so long?
Why now? After I decided it is not possible.
How can hope be so frail but yet last so long?
She is just a friend isn't she? I am just a friend ain't I?
Some very disconcerting thoughts that are teeming my mind even til now. I realised that despite deciding to shift my focus away, somewhere deep within the recesses of my heart, I have a place for her. A little void that I sometimes pitied my indecisive self over.
My heart is much colder now. Any affection left in me are probably buried deep down somewhere in my baby toes that I rather hide from prying eyes. No amount of biting spirit can I drown out these depressive conceptions. No amount of sobering liquor can I detoxify the slow poison that chills the heart.
A long lost cause, I have no doubts.
posted by andeo at
10:12 AM
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